BDSM cravings

As a BDSM lover i always feel hungry for some great bdsm sex were a real mistress dominates me and restrain me from orgasm. everytime i watch BDSM Movies or BDSM videos i always envy the person that is taking the punishment and abused from a massochism mistress. In BDSM lifestyle i do love the concept of face sitting or the method were a dominant mistress sit in your face specially if your mistress has a nice juicy fat ass to sit in your face. I am sometimes wondering am i really a submissive slave? because i always fantasize being dominated and abused by a dominant women that will satisfy my BDSM cravings.